Quick Acting Therapy with Lasting Results A Primer on Rational Emotive Behavior [Unconditional-acceptance
Theory]* (REBT- formerly RET, here REBUT)* Complied, Edited and Expanded By Jimmy Walter 50
Ways To Leave Your Neuroses
- parody REBUT*, developed by Dr. Albert Ellis
[click here for Albert Ellis Institute], has helped
millions of people improve their emotions and overall lives.
REBUT can be learned through hundreds of self-help
books, tapes, and videos (click here) and is known as
short-term therapy. Its principals are easy to understand, though
they may seem counterintuitive at first. Its therapeutic effectiveness,
with both short-term and long-term use, has been proven in
many scientific studies. When Dr. Albert Ellis first
unveiled his revolutionary theories for REBUT in 1955, he
was greeted with skepticism and outright hostility from the
psychological community. Fortunately, Dr. Ellis stood by his
ideas long enough for everyone else to realize their value,
and REBUT has become one of the most influential concepts
in the history of psychology. Dr. Ellis has won numerous awards
in the field of psychology including being voted the second
most influential psychologist ever. The Cognitive Therapy
(CT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) are all based on
his work. He has written 35 books, co-authored 38 books, and
edited 13, which have sold millions of copies, and have been
distributed throughout the world in 20 different languages. All emotions are chemicals produced by our bodies. While pleasant or repulsive physical stimulation (including sounds and sights) can cause a variety of
emotions, most emotions are unleashed in response to our thoughts
and judgments about events and people – especially ourselves.
If we truly believe that
something is bad, our body releases the chemical that makes
us feel emotional pain, whether or not it is actually bad.
If we truly believe something is good, we feel delighted about
it, whether or not it is actually good. Most upsetting emotions
stem from unchallenged exaggerations people tell themselves,
consciously or subconsciously. It is the continual repetition
of those exaggerations that sustains emotional problems. “If thou art pained by an external
thing, it is not this that disturbs thee, but thy own judgment
about it. And it is in thy power to wipe out this judgment
[and therefore your pain] now.” The Meditations,
Marcus
Aurelius (121-180), Roman “Philosopher” Emperor (161-180). REBUT is used to literally “rebut”, dispute, or challenge irrational,
exaggerated attitudes, beliefs, and expectations, and replace
them with sensible (rational) ones. This improves emotions
and makes for happier, easier, healthier, more fulfilled lives.
The irrational beliefs, attitudes, etc. are always based on shoulds, oughts,
musts, and “I can’t stand it.” Ellis coined the term “musterbation”
for what people do when they disturb themselves with self-imposed
“musts.” When people give them up, they acquire high frustration tolerance, which encourages them to accept (not like)
life's hardships and other people's imperfections. This leads
to less emotional pain and greater perseverance, patience,
and the ability to get along with others. We have little power to change others. But if we seriously
practice using REBUT, we all have the power to change ourselves. "It is foolish to see any other
person as the cause of our own misery or happiness" REBUT is a realistic approach
that doesn’t try to eliminate all unpleasant feelings; rather,
in understands that in important areas of one’s life, people
are better off when they are appropriately sad or regretful
at failure, rejection, or frustration since it will lead them
to change for the better. REBUT aims to smooth off the sharp
edges, the exaggerations that cause self-defeating, sometimes
traumatizing, emotional pain. Practitioners strive to accept and
expect imperfection – even in accepting imperfection
imperfectly. This is the only realistic path to happiness,
since we all are, and always will be, fallible human beings.
REBUT trains people
to accept themselves and others unconditionally, whether or
not they are “successful” in life, whether or not they behave
as they “should”, and whether or not anyone else in the world
loves them. “Worry is interest paid on trouble
before it comes due.” William R. Inge,
clergyman, scholar, and author (1860-1954) REBUT affirms the value
of achievement, but helps clients give up their upsetting
demand for total success at all times. Instead,
REBUT advocates a more realistic and satisfying system
of values: One that encourages people to work toward their
goals, but never to condemn or damn themselves when they fail.
REBUT observes and accepts
that:
1.
Human genetics make us emotional and somewhat irrational, especially
as children and adolescents. Cognitions, emotions, and behavior
are not distinct, separate functions. They are intertwined
and interactive.
2.
All parents, being human, are imperfect and have caused or passed
at least some irrational, self-defeating, upsetting thoughts
on to their children.
3.
All societies, being composed of humans, are imperfect and some of
their rules and morals are irrational or exaggerations. Moreover,
the vast majority teach that certain behaviors are wrong and
the individual should be condemned and even killed for committing
them. Certainly, many of society’s morals were beneficial
in that they helped the whole society survive. Since they
did, their members believed all of their rules were divine.
However, some rules or morals that helped the tribe as a whole
were detrimental to some member’s survival and happiness;
additionally, some the tribe’s beliefs were detrimental for
the entire tribe in the long-run.
4.
Emotional problems can be acquired at anytime in life, even if one
had an “ideal" early upbringing.
5.
Individuals misinterpret the thoughts and feelings of others and
consequently feel and behave inappropriately.
6.
Therefore, for our happiness, it is justified and necessary to forgive
society, others, and ourselves for “bad” behaviors. People experience pain
from self-hate and guilt when they believe that they have
behaved “badly”. Some construct defenses to protect them from
the pain of guilt or self-condemnation, which admitting their
“wrong-doing” would cause. Since such defenses are inconsistent,
they ultimately break down and are overwhelmed with anxiety
or hostility, becoming self-defeating and possibly self-destructive.
Just as, with much work and practice, trapeze artists can
overcome their innate fear of flying through the air, so REBUT
can reduce innate tendencies to think crookedly, and help
people understand how the past influences today’s emotions.
(a)
the sentence: "I don't like a behavior," and;
(b)
the unnecessary demand; "Because I don't like a behavior, it
is absolutely wrong, and the person who committed it is damnable." REBUT attempts to change
this dialogue to: "Because I don't like someone’s behavior,
I will avoid them. If I do have to see them for some practical
reason, it is not horrible if they don’t behave the way I
like. I didn’t die before, so I can stand it now. Calmly and
without condemnation, I am going to try to convince that person
to change. If I succeed, fine. If I don't, I lived through
it. It is really just unpleasant or irritating, not terminal.
Moreover, what this person does has no real affect
on me. I can live happily and successfully in a world
where it, and many people's behavior, is not as I like it
or believe it should be.” “Holding on to anger is like grasping
a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one getting burned.” Buddha (c. 566-480 BCE) While REBUT quickly removes
specific emotional problems, because emotional disturbance
is essentially ideologically or philosophically based, REBUT
strives to thoroughly reorient a person’s philosophy, minimizing
all anxiety rather than reducing some specific phobia. For
instance, it minimizes the tendency to hate rather than just
a particular hatred of one’s mother, mate, society, etc. If
a person believes that they must be accepted and approved
by others or they are worthless and are consequently afraid
of making a fool of themselves by speaking in public, then
helping the person get over his or her fear of public speaking will do them good.
However, if they still
believe that that they must be accepted by others, it will
be virtually impossible for him not to have other manifestations
of this belief, such as fear of approaching someone at a dance,
or asking for a raise. In other words, it is the underlying
irrational premise by which the person is operating that needs
alteration. REBUT has found that it
is essential for people to forcefully
practice thinking and acting more rationally. REBUT
is not a set of magic phases that will transform anyone. While
the insights gained are powerful, changing takes time and
practice. For instance, high intelligence can help certain
people analyze more quickly the ways in which their thinking
is illogical when they are upset. However, just because you
quickly see the irrational qualities of your thinking, doesn't
mean you will use those insights to help yourself. Many very
bright people equate their intelligence with their self-worth.
Consequently, they are more motivated to argue the "rightness"
of their beliefs than to consider they might be wrong. Moreover,
they and many others wrongly believe that just knowing the
theory is enough. They are wrong. Both accepting the principals
and doing the homework are necessary. While REBUT is the fastest
way to change, it still takes some time and daily practice,
especially at first. Learning new ways of thinking
and beliefs can be compared to a horse-driven carriage, which has had the same driver and horse for
years. The horse knows where to go without being told. Once
you change the driver (new way of thinking), the horse still
goes in the same direction (old emotions and behaviors), but
the driver has to strain at the reins to produce a change
in direction (new emotions and behaviors). The positive aspect
of the strain you may experience in using REBUT is that it
shows you are learning new ways of feeling and behaving and
that you are taking charge of your own direction in life. The homework revolves around
disputing the “awfulness” of the problem or uncomfortable
situation and then confronting it. First, a rational analysis
is made. REBUT is as simple as ABC in a class where you only
have to get a D, pardon the pun: “A” is the activating event, most often some
external event, but frequently a thought or memory. For instance,
a man gets rejected for a date. “B”
is a belief or judgment about the activating event, the “A”.
The belief always involves a “should,” “ought” “must” or “I
can’t stand it,” and may be so automatic that one is not fully
aware of them. In this case, the person is telling himself
something like, “It is horrible that I have been rejected.
I am worthless. This is horrible.” “C”
is the consequence, first the emotion and then the subsequent
behaviors triggered by the belief, “B”, such as fear, rage,
anxiety, depression, procrastination, etc. In this case perhaps
shame and indignation followed by blaming and avoidance, “She
hurt me. All women are the same. I’ll never ask another.” “D”
is disputing the irrational belief “B” and replacing it with
a rational one. The accuracy and reality of one’s “shoulds,
oughts, musts”, and/or “I can’t stand it” are challenged.
Then more rational responses are brainstormed. These are then
tested to find which diminishes the anxiety, rage, depression,
etc. to a tolerable level that does not interfere with one’s
life. In this case perhaps a little sadness and, “It’s unfortunate
that she won’t go out with me. She is also a fallible human
who may have many reasons and problems that have nothing to
do with me. A woman can bring more enjoyment to my life. She
is just one woman out of billions. I will try again.” For the particular homework
assignment :
1.
Fill in the details for
each letter on a piece of paper.
2.
It is easier for the mind
to accept and remember if it receives the information from
more than one of our senses so it is helpful to:
i.
Read each one aloud, then
ii.
Repeat each from memory
3.
It works faster if you:
i.
Repeat the entire process
each day
ii.
Post the worksheet(s) on
the bathroom mirror or refrigerator door.
4.
Go out in the real world
and do it
i.
Immediately before the
adventure, have the worksheet and repeat each item;
ii.
Remember you won’t die
or lose a limb, so just do it. You
can see and print out a worksheet by clicking here
You can download a worksheet in MSWord by
clicking here
Some sample homework assignments
follow. Doing easier ones first helps prove the process to
one’s subconscious and encourages people to try harder ones.
They are all activating events, “A’s”.
1.
"Shame-attacking"
exercises where the individual deliberately does something
in public that would normally embarrass him, but is not illegal.
Such as:
i.
Walking down the street,
saying hello, and offering to shake hands with everyone.
ii.
Standing in the front of
an elevator but turning around to face everyone and smiling.
iii.
Wearing grossly mismatched
or inappropriate clothing to an event
2.
Dating a person whom you
are afraid to ask for a date;
3.
Looking for a new job;
4.
Inviting someone to a meal
or event that you really do not like much or find irritating;
5.
Calmly standing up to someone
that one finds intimidating. Everyone’s life can be
improved by challenging self-defeating, pain causing beliefs
and thoughts. Here are some common examples of irrational,
pain and problem causing thinking:
1.
One should, must, etc.
be loved by everyone.
2.
One must succeed and/or
be the best at anything, or worse, everything one does.
3.
We have virtually no control
over our emotions.
4.
It is horrible when things
are not the way we want them to be.
5.
Taking a negative detail
and magnifying it while ignoring all the positive aspects.
6.
Things are black and white,
totally good or totally bad.
7.
Certain acts are awful
or wicked and people who perform them should be severely punished.
8.
“Horrible” conclusions
with little or poor evidence.
9.
Mind Reading: guessing
how people feel about you.
10.
Catastrophizing: exaggerating
things into a disaster and expecting it to happen. Overly
concerned with unlikely events.
11.
Thinking that everything
people do or say is related to you.
12.
Comparing yourself to others
you believe are better based on their achievements, possessions,
or other standard.
13.
Believing one is controlled
by an outside source, thus feeling hopeless and a victim of
fate.
14.
Human misery is produced
by external causes or outside events rather than by the view
one takes of these conditions.
15.
One needs something or
someone stronger or more powerful than oneself to rely on.
16.
Defining and demanding
fairness, which may be incorrect and almost certainly somewhat
different than someone else’s.
17.
Refusing to take responsibility
or, additionally, always blaming oneself.
18.
Rigid rules that keep the
person angry and resentful when anyone breaks them.
19.
Believing what you feel
must be true. For example, “I feel depressed, life must be
depressing.”
20.
You expect people to change
if you just keep pestering them to do so.
21.
Generalizing and extrapolating
one or more qualities to the whole person. For example. “He
lost. He is a loser, and always will be.”
22.
Always trying to prove
that your actions are correct.
23.
All of your sacrifice will
be rewarded in the end.
24.
Happiness can be achieved
by inertia and inaction. It is better to avoid life’s problems
if possible, than to face them.
Therapists using the principles
of REBUT (click
here for list of professionals in your area) actively try to persuade, cajole, and urge the client to undertake
such assignments as an integral part of the therapeutic process.
Dr. David D. Burns, M.D., a therapist with expertise in
this area, has found that requiring patients to sign a contract
to do homework or quit therapy gets them to do it.
a.
Continually challenge their
own belief-systems, and
b.
Repeat and practice new
rational beliefs before and during real-life situations.
(a)
He/she is not anxious about
whether the client loves him or not, and has no neurotic need
for the client's approval. The therapist does not react to
the client's hostility with counter-hostility. He has the
guts to face the client's problems and make a direct effort
to get him to replace his irrational beliefs.
(b)
His/her unconditional acceptance
of others. The therapist never damns clients for even their
worst errors or most heinous crimes, but continues to accept
them as a worthwhile, even though fallible, human beings.
Questions and Answers About
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: A.
I see how plenty surfeits oft, From My
Mind To Me A Kingdom Is, Sir Edward
Dyer, (1543? – 1607)
REFERENCES: “Frequently Asked Questions” by Theresa Exner,
Ph.D. and Michael Bernard, Ph.D. The work of Dr. Albert Ellis based on an outline
provided by Dr. Daniel Brown. Ellis, A. Outcome of employing three techniques
of psychotherapy. J. Clin. Psychol., 1957, 13, 334-350. Ellis, A. Reason and emotion in psycho therapy.
Secaucus, NJ: Citadel, 1962. Forer, B. Schizophrenia: The narcissistic
retreat. J. Proj. Tech., 1961, 25, 422-430. Freud, S. Collected papers. London: Imago
Publishers, 1924-1950. Reich, W. Character analysis. New York: Orgone
Institute Press, 1949. Rogers, C.R. The necessary and sufficient
conditions of therapeutic
The Albert Ellis Institute,
nor any of the above authors, directly contributed to this
article. For more information about the institute, see Albert Ellis Institute. *Rational Emotive Therapy
(RET) was the original name. Dr. Ellis later changed it to
encompass behaviorism, REBT, and is the official name used
by the Albert Ellis Institute. Moreover, its scope is more
than therapy, it is a science, a theory of human behavior.
Since Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA), Universal Acceptance
of Others (UAO), and rebutting irrational ideas are primary
parts of REBT, the official name, this author is promoting
the memorial acronym, REBUT. |